Body Shaming people comes in all shapes and forms. It can happen to any person, regardless of your weight, size and gender. It happens to larger people and to smaller people. It happens to everyone, because society has unrealistic expectations for beauty. A ‘one size fits all’ has been adopted by the media, it tries to convince people that you are only attractive or can only be attractive if you fit a certain tickbox criteria. (EWW) This is where body shaming comes from, the view that someone does not tick certain criteria. But the issue is, one size simply does not fit all. Every single person is physically attracted to different things. What is beautiful to one person, may not be to someone else, and thats okay! Whats not okay is making people feel shit about themselves just because they don’t tick the boxes on your checklist.
So that’s what I want to talk about with you this week. Why do people feel the need to body shame?
I guess I’ll start by saying, I haven’t always felt so strongly about what I preach now. I struggled with my eating disorder for years, and that meant the image I had of myself, was distorted. I thought negatively about my body, and therefore myself. I felt uncomfortable in everything I wore, and never felt empowered or attractive. I was constantly thinking about my weight, or the calories I was consuming. Honestly, that existence, is something I refuse to fall back into. It was bleak, and empty, and the beautiful things in life weren’t appreciated.
Although recovery was rocky, and I can never say I am fully rehabilitated since I often have the soul consuming thoughts that plague my evil brain, my mind set is firmly evolved. SO, the point of this backstory is to assure you that I am not some superhuman person who loves every part of themselves and never thinks badly about their body, because that is just not the case. And if someone were to body shame me, although yes I could just say ” Fuck you, I am spicy and I love my body regardless of what you say about it”, those comments would still linger in my mind and wobble me, or activate the negative thoughts that lurk in the dark parts of my brain.
I have always felt uncomfortable around body/appearance shaming, even if it is coming from a person who I deem kind, even if it comes from a close friend. Even at my lowest, even with a mindset that was faulty and destructive, I never ever felt that body shaming other people was appropriate. I honestly don’t see the point in it. When I hear people body shame, my metaphorical balls shrivel up inside me. That language, that thought process and that unnecessary negativity, it what reinforces the stereotypes of beauty. That kind of activity is partly what feeds and nourishes peoples eating disorders or negative views of themselves. So, I have one question. What do you get out of it?
There’s a suggestion that when you think of a negative thought but then are frustrated at yourself for thinking it, that the initial thought was societies conditioning, and that your reaction to that thought, is what you actually think.
So when you think negatively about someone else’s appearance, ( and you probably will, you’ve been conditioned to think that way) say for example, you see someone and think, “They’re fat, why are they wearing a crop top, they can’t pull it off”, ( EXCUSE ME BUT I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, YOU ROCK THAT CROP TOP) even if you don’t second guess your thought and you don’t feel like you’ve thought anything wrong… What do you actually get out of saying it?
What that persons wearing, their weight, their appearance is literally none of your damn business, and your negativity does absolutely nothing for you, them or anybody else. So please, I urge you to hold your tongue. Reassess your values and thoughts on bodies. Think before you speak. Don’t say anything about someone’s body if you have nothing positive to say. It’s none of your concern.You never know how even a small passing comment could affect someone. Whether it be about them, or someone else.
Thepositivemindsbody 